Clemson Tigers Put Their Girdles on One Leg at a Time!
When I moved to the Low Country in 2007, I soon learned that tigers in South Carolina are orange… really orange – a shade of orange that can offend any non-alumni of Clemson at 100 yards! This hue of what I previously associated with the freshness of a crisp fall day or the pleasure of tasting a forbidden sweet treat secretly lifted from a plastic jack-o-lantern perched on the desk of a secretary in medical records, soon became as offensive as Carolina Blue is to a twice-graduated Duke Blue Devil!
How could this be? I had never visited the Clemson campus, never attended a Clemson sporting event and had no appreciable knowledge of the football or basketball teams. Yet, I was repulsed by its hue.
The simple answer was “constant exposure!” It’s everywhere… bumper stickers, buttons, umbrellas, sporting attire – even cars! Yes, we have an orthopedic surgeon in Charleston who drives an orange Cadillac during football season!
The operating room is not immune to this shameless display of collegiate loyalty. Our Tiger team member is Sandy – our favorite OR nurse! Sandy is a hoot. You would never know she is the daughter of a preacher! She‘s fun, energetic, feisty, verbose, compassionate and she just loves Clemson! She is a Clemson Tiger who married a Clemson Tiger and gave birth to two orange cubs! She wears a Tiger pin on her scrubs everyday. All the rewards of her nighttime obstetric overtime are funneled directly to Pickens County to support the ongoing education of her wonderful children and weekend sporting entertainment for the entire family. Can you say “tailgate”?
Sandy’s Helpful Healing Hint is related to dawning the compression girdle….
I must qualify this hint by relating that Sandy weighs about 88 pounds soaking wet and the compression girdle is usually longer that she is tall!
At the conclusion of our surgical cases, its Sandy’s responsibility to put on the compression girdle… on the patient, not herself! LOL! She strategically monitors the anesthesia staff to ensure that patients remain “comfortable” i.e. sleepy, for a period of time after the dressings are placed so she may rage war with our favorite spandex torture device, aka “the dominatrix”.
From watching Sandy, I learned that it is best to leave one leg of the compression garment fully zipped and to slip the first leg in that side. If you are right handed, then you should put the left leg of the garment on first. Once the first leg is placed, the garment is pulled north making fine adjustments in the pelvic region to align “the magic door”… you know what I am talking about! Then, and only then, does one attempt to fasten the eye hooks and zip the zipper. And, don’t forget, fasten all the eyehooks before moving onto the zipper or you will damage the plastic teeth of the zipper. The eyehooks are much stronger than the zipper! Don’t go there with me about how I know that.
So girls, be like Sandy our Favorite Clemson Tiger – Put your girdle on one leg at a time!
PS: Sandy is so good putting on girdles, it makes me wonder if her cute little figure is “highlighted” by her personal use of such a garment… And, I bet it is ORANGE!
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